My 20-year-old son doesn’t talk to me.
Parenting can be tough. While children can be so attached to you and can’t get enough of you from birth up until they become preteens, the story changes the moment they become teenagers and start approaching the young-adult phase.
They start to hide things from you and find goodnight hugs and kisses from you weird. They’d even never fail to lock you out of “their room,” that’s a section of your house. That’s wild.
While we grow older and crave to be an active part of their lives and have a wonderful relationship with them where they’re so free to tell you anything, sometimes, teenagers can be weird and shut you out for the weirdest reason.
The hardest part is that sometimes they flip the switch for no reason at all, and you’re left wondering why they don’t want to talk to you.
I get it! But don’t be disheartened. Keep reading as we guide you on what the problem might be and what the next line of action should be.
Why does my 20 years old son not want to talk to me?
There are quite a few reasons your son doesn’t want to talk to you, and I’ll explore all the possible reasons. For starters, you’re judgemental. We are humans, and we are all guilty of making mistakes and making bad decisions.
However, when that happens, we hate it when we tell people about our problems, but they judge us rather than empathetically listening and staying neutral.
Hence, when we find ourselves in another rut, we’d do our best to stay away from judgemental people. It’s the same for your kids.
When they tell you about their problems, do you empathize with them? Do you listen from a neutral standpoint without being judgemental?
Trust me; if you become judgemental at any point, they can sense it and think hard before talking to you about their problems in the future.
Another reason your kids find it difficult to talk to you because you try to solve their problems. Also, it might be because you talk too much. Understand your child’s personality and need. They might be introverted.
So, while you want to help them, you might need to support them in silence until they’re ready to talk. And even then, do not bombard them with so many talks.
If your kid is extroverted, allow them to do the talking; let them vent while you play the role of an active and supportive listener.
Rather than outrightly act like the savior they didn’t need, encourage brainstorming on solutions with them and ask them if they’ll love you to give them an instant solution.
How do I deal with my son not talking to me?
There are several ways to deal with the problem of your son not talking to you. For starters, you could figure out the possible reasons why your kid isn’t talking to you.
One easy way to do it is to ask them out to lunch or to date their favorite thing in the world to do and talk to them about it. You’re going to have to drop your ego if you want to resolve the issue.
Try to talk to them casually, like you’re talking to a friend, and ask them why they’re not talking to you. Depending on your child’s personality, they might give you an immediate response.
If they do, and it’s something you need to work on, apologize for it and make efforts to work on it. However, if they find it difficult to be open about the problem, don’t be in a hurry to judge them or yell at them for not opening up or painting it in their faces that you’re trying to get them to open up.
Accept that they don’t want to talk about it at that time and back off a bit from the topic. Observe them for a few days, encourage them as much as you can, warm up to them, etc. Let them open up to you at their own pace.
What do you do when your grown son hates you?
While hate is a strong word, you can’t exactly jump to a conclusion and assume that your grown son hates you. Are they pissed at you? Yes. Are they hurt by something you did to them but never apologized for?
Most definitely so. However, they might not hate you as you think, so here are a few things you can try. For starters, let them call the shots in your relationship with them. Now that they’re grown, they have tons of responsibilities tugging at their attention.
So, if they do not spend time with you or communicate with you much, you might have to accept the level of care they give to you without complaining.
While it might hurt that your son doesn’t want to visit you for Christmas, it’s not a big deal. Get busy with something else to take your attention off it.
Also, if he’s married, do not try to compete for a spot in his life with his spouse. You’ll only make him push you further away. Instead, embrace his wife and kids like they are yours.
Don’t butt into his family matters unless you’ve been asked to. Don’t cross boundaries.
Another helpful thing to do is to stop holding to grudges. If you and your son are estranged, do more reflection to figure out what went wrong rather than pump yourself full with anger.
Don’t also let his negative words get to you; control your emotions. More so, don’t forget to apologize when you know you’re in the wrong.
How do I fix my broken relationship with my 20 years old son?
There are quite a few things you can do to fix your broken relationship with your son. For starters, address the elephant in the room.
Acknowledge to your son that you know that there’s been a rift between the both of you. Also, talk about how you’d like to make things work again between the both of you.Then, try to make amends.
Also, apologize for any hurt you might have caused them and try not to repeat it. Try to do activities together and hang out with them as much as possible.
An important part is to be patient and wait for them to come around, especially if they do not accept your apology or show any interest in resolving the rift. Give them time to heal. You can also seek help from a professional.